Dilation and Recovery

Local time: Friday 4.13pm

My daily routine has come to involve dilation and a shower in the morning, then breakfast, then walking up and down the hallways of the hotel several times with a hand on mum's shoulder for emergency balance, then a nap, then lunch, some more walking, dilation again in the evening, dinner, and sleep. With slight variations thereof.

Noon has been visiting in the mornings and been pleased to see that I've been managing with all the little things one has to do after SRS so far - dilation, medication, bleeding/discharge management, wound cleansing, and a little bit of exercise. It's taking me a few moments to reach a depth of 6.5 inches, but by the end of the session it's usually at 7 inches. No pain, but mildly uncomfortable and still overall quite tiring due to having to clamber around fetching and and reaching for things, between bed and bathroom. I still find a dilator with a condom stretched over it, heavily lubricated, to be an intimidating thing to behold though.

Yesterday afternoon, we walked to the clinic for a checkup with Dr Suporn. The clinic is always interesting - there's a terrific mix of trans folks and friends there nearly all the time during weekdays. What is heartening to me is seeing the number of super supportive family members there for their children/siblings/whatever as they undergo surgery. These aren't people they've thought to have lost their senses; these are loved ones they can see have a problem that has a difficult path to addressing.

Dr Suporn removed some of the external stitches, which makes things a little more comfortable, and pointed out that the bottom part of my left labia majora had come "undone" (as in, uncreased, not in any gross open-wound sort of way). I'm pretty sure this was the sharp pain I'd feel while moving around in hospital. Apparently it's something simple for him to fix before we leave Thailand, though I guess he has to wait for the tissue swelling to go down some more. Overall the surgery is looking terrific though - Dr Suporn's skill is pretty apparent even at this stage.

There's still the haematoma at the top of the surgical site which is - while diminishing - quite swollen and causing me most of the discomfort. No more fevers though.

Something else I've noticed is the way I'm viewing my body: it doesn't feel as though I've "lost" or "gained" anything, or that anything has been "replaced"... it just feels like, well, things have been rearranged (which, maybe due to Dr Suporn's procedure differing from regular penile inversion, is mostly quite literally true). To some people (the Australian government being one big fat example), somehow the new arrangement is what makes me a woman. To me, it just doesn't feel significant in that way - I don't pass any more easily now with a vagina rather than a penis. But I do feel differently when I see myself naked in the shower, and when I think that the old hormonal influence is finally gone.

I think for me, that's going to be the significant gender-related aspect of SRS.