Diminishing

Warning:TMI ahead.

Yup, there's no doubt: my endocrine system is leveling itself out in the absence of HRT. The first reason I know this is that my night sweats went away a few nights ago; no more crazy hot flushes. Despite the implications of that, I guess sleeping better is a good thing.

The second reason is a bit dismaying: body fat is redistributing. In short, I'm losing curves and my breasts are basically diminishing. Easy enough to tell, due to the reversal of the changes I'd observed in the past. I think I can detect that my facial planes are regressing too - my cheeks have lost a bit of the fullness they had while on the hormones.

And the third reason is almost as dismaying: a lot more of my hair is coming away in the shower. Nothing close to encroaching baldness, but much more than I've been used to over the past year.

Finally, there is a more subtle return of the old emotional flavours I associate with "maleness"... a little bit of familiar, grey, scratchy irritability, and a bit of uncontrolled and apparently unprovoked sexual response.

Thankfully, with fifteen days left before I fly, I'm almost halfway through the four weeks. I think I can tolerate these changes more or less easily if they don't get much worse. Now alternating between moments of being scared of what's coming and looking forward to ending this backslide.