Raving Activism Is A Turn-Off
One of the easiest ways to single-dimensionalise yourself is to embrace generalisations and stand up strong for some cause while forgetting that people are complex creatures. And yes, while there are issues that make life more difficult for those who identify as GLBT, it bothers me whenever someone steps up proclaiming to represent me while angrily declaring how oppressed "we" are, how mainstream society doesn't understand, how our government has an anti-GLBT agenda, or how "we" should stick together and break down the social walls of gender.
Well sure, tell it how it is, but how about not looking like a lunatic while doing so?
I don't feel a part of the "trans community". The trans people I've had contact with have been nice enough people, but they don't strike me as being any more relatable than other people in my life. Yes, there are obvious topics of discussion I have the option of bringing up with other transfolk, but once again, isn't that pretty single-dimensional and one-track-minded? I didn't choose to be trans - buoyed by family and friends, I chose to succeed academically, to work hard and gain respect in my career, to move to the city and live independently, but I didn't choose to be trans and that's not how I'd prefer to feel "special".
In fact, let me correct my wording: I don't "identify" as trans. I identify as me, and certainly not some irrational mule foaming at the mouth with utterly subjective assertions of truth, hell-bent on preaching to the converted.
This isn't about being stealthed, and nor is it about trans-pride; this is about not being afraid to be honest and unpretentious and declaring, "Yes, I do computer stuff, my eyes are brown, I play the piano, I have a Y chromosome in my DNA, I don't drink, and oh- I love to scuba dive."
I can't find pride in being transgendered, any more than I can find it in having black hair. It's just another part of the whole Amanda package, not to be sold separately. I'm not ashamed nor embarrassed by it either (I've been doing this RLE thing long enough to be over all that). And I prefer that those who find out "about me" see that this member of those crazy people is, in fact, a perfectly functional, coherent, educated and professional woman rather than a raving mess of hostility, attitude and opinion.
Yes, the passport situation sucks (I should know - I just applied for a passport that will only be used for one flight overseas, then discarded; and people who won't or can't undergo SRS are stuck with having to deal with this situation until the laws are changed again), and yes, our Prime Minister continues to knock back rights and freedoms (civil union, anyone?) for reasons less than humanitarian. But denouncing untruths and misunderstandings comes about by making the truths self-evident, not by yelling louder than your opponent at an unreceptive audience.
I want being trans to be socially acceptable, and to me, that means making people see that, yes, it does happen, and not all that rarely, and while we as a society need to deal with it, it's not a big deal and everyone should just move on and get back to worrying about terrorists or computer viruses or interest rates or High Fructose Corn Syrup or what-have-you.
I want people, upon being surprised by someone turning out to be transsexual, to say discreetly to their cohort "So-and-so might be having a sex change..." and then pause as they realise they have nothing interesting to add that is overtly related to the subject in question being trans. Transgendered-ness should be pretty boring, really. It shouldn't mean that people feel the need to tiptoe around certain conversational topics, or watch how they portray it in a movie, or feel apprehensive about letting their children talk to you, or fire you, or even disown you from the family.
And though ranting in the direction of people in power does sometimes bring about policy change, it drives the deeper cultural fears of gender and sexuality underground, to linger in slang like "poofter", "fairy", and "fag", and phrases like "shut up with this nonsense and act like a man or get out of my house". Cultural change only comes about by winning hearts and minds; it can't be enforced by punitive law.
Oh, and through some completely bizarre circumstances, I find that I now have a boyfriend (cisgendered male, heterosexual, and given the themes of this post it feels pretty silly that I have to specify to that degree) to whom my trans-ness is about as interesting as the fact that I breathe oxygen and float on water.
I'd have it no other way, and count myself beyond fortunate to have someone so accepting. Oh, if only more people could be like you, M.
Well sure, tell it how it is, but how about not looking like a lunatic while doing so?
I don't feel a part of the "trans community". The trans people I've had contact with have been nice enough people, but they don't strike me as being any more relatable than other people in my life. Yes, there are obvious topics of discussion I have the option of bringing up with other transfolk, but once again, isn't that pretty single-dimensional and one-track-minded? I didn't choose to be trans - buoyed by family and friends, I chose to succeed academically, to work hard and gain respect in my career, to move to the city and live independently, but I didn't choose to be trans and that's not how I'd prefer to feel "special".
In fact, let me correct my wording: I don't "identify" as trans. I identify as me, and certainly not some irrational mule foaming at the mouth with utterly subjective assertions of truth, hell-bent on preaching to the converted.
This isn't about being stealthed, and nor is it about trans-pride; this is about not being afraid to be honest and unpretentious and declaring, "Yes, I do computer stuff, my eyes are brown, I play the piano, I have a Y chromosome in my DNA, I don't drink, and oh- I love to scuba dive."
I can't find pride in being transgendered, any more than I can find it in having black hair. It's just another part of the whole Amanda package, not to be sold separately. I'm not ashamed nor embarrassed by it either (I've been doing this RLE thing long enough to be over all that). And I prefer that those who find out "about me" see that this member of those crazy people is, in fact, a perfectly functional, coherent, educated and professional woman rather than a raving mess of hostility, attitude and opinion.
Yes, the passport situation sucks (I should know - I just applied for a passport that will only be used for one flight overseas, then discarded; and people who won't or can't undergo SRS are stuck with having to deal with this situation until the laws are changed again), and yes, our Prime Minister continues to knock back rights and freedoms (civil union, anyone?) for reasons less than humanitarian. But denouncing untruths and misunderstandings comes about by making the truths self-evident, not by yelling louder than your opponent at an unreceptive audience.
I want being trans to be socially acceptable, and to me, that means making people see that, yes, it does happen, and not all that rarely, and while we as a society need to deal with it, it's not a big deal and everyone should just move on and get back to worrying about terrorists or computer viruses or interest rates or High Fructose Corn Syrup or what-have-you.
I want people, upon being surprised by someone turning out to be transsexual, to say discreetly to their cohort "So-and-so might be having a sex change..." and then pause as they realise they have nothing interesting to add that is overtly related to the subject in question being trans. Transgendered-ness should be pretty boring, really. It shouldn't mean that people feel the need to tiptoe around certain conversational topics, or watch how they portray it in a movie, or feel apprehensive about letting their children talk to you, or fire you, or even disown you from the family.
And though ranting in the direction of people in power does sometimes bring about policy change, it drives the deeper cultural fears of gender and sexuality underground, to linger in slang like "poofter", "fairy", and "fag", and phrases like "shut up with this nonsense and act like a man or get out of my house". Cultural change only comes about by winning hearts and minds; it can't be enforced by punitive law.
Oh, and through some completely bizarre circumstances, I find that I now have a boyfriend (cisgendered male, heterosexual, and given the themes of this post it feels pretty silly that I have to specify to that degree) to whom my trans-ness is about as interesting as the fact that I breathe oxygen and float on water.
I'd have it no other way, and count myself beyond fortunate to have someone so accepting. Oh, if only more people could be like you, M.
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